Letter to the Editor: A Texan and a Yankee fan

Fort Worth Star-Telegram (Texas)
November 16, 2009

Dear Editor,

Jennifer Floyd Engel wrote about her dislike of the Yankees. (See: "Yankees title bad, in November worse," Nov. 3) It’s obvious that she bases her thinking on the assumption that the Yankees are good only because they have a big payroll and that that is an unfair advantage over the other teams. A team doesn’t go to the World Series 40 out of 105 years simply because of payroll. The Yankee organization is doing some things right. Does she also feel that her beloved Cowboys have an unfair advantage?

Creating an advantage is part of all sports competition. Some teams play in air-conditioned domes. Some teams have a lot of speed. Boston has great fans. The Angels have more money than the Rangers.

I’m a Texan and a loyal Yankee fan. I have been since I was 6 years old. No, you don’t buy championships. If you could, Jerry Jones would buy one every year.

Jim Hargrove,
Fort Worth

Yankee Fans Eject Seely From Yankee Fandom

Dadlak may have had a point, but Alphonso's view won out. According to our poll, "gotcha" journalist and self-styled Yankee fan Hart Seely is no fan at all. Seely, you'll remember, shocked the Yankiverse by publishing a hate-filled screed in support of the Red Sox, involving sick children and puppets, on the very eve of the 2009 World Series.

Pete Rose, Roger Clemens and Ugueth Urbina could not be reached for comment.

The Bizarre Eight Year Gap in the Yankee Fossill Record

The great Chad Jennings has a post on LoHud that I can't get out of my head.

He lists the longest tenured Yankees, in terms of organization.

1. Mariano Rivera (non-drafted free agent, February 1990)
2. Jorge Posada (24th round, 1990)
3. Derek Jeter (first round, 1992)
4. Chien-Ming Wang (non-drafted free agent, May 2000)
5. Jose Valdez (non-drafted free agent, October 2000)
6. Robinson Cano (non-drafted free agent, January 2001)
7. Shelley Duncan (second round, 2001)
8. Melky Cabrera (non-drafted free agent, November 2001)
9. Wilkin De La Rosa (non-drafted free agent, November 2001)
10. Phil Coke (26th round, 2002)

Note the eight-year gap in the chain between Nos. 3 and 4...

Between 1992 and 2000, not one new Yankee -- not one, nada -- stayed.

WTF? This was the ascent of Yankind. We became champs. Theoretically, we should have latched onto these gamers and refused to let them go. Whah hoppin?

I dunno. Not a clue. I won't get heavy here, because maybe an analysis of all teams would show something like this. We did keep three players. (Andy would be on this list but -- ahhh -- we let him walk.) A bunch -- Bernie, Tino, Paul, Mendoza -- retired. A bunch -- Reuben Rivera, Irabu, Kenny Rogers, Ed Yarnell -- turned out dogs.

But there is one guy who SHOULD have been a Yankee all the way. We blew it. We frickin' blew it. And any question about Yankee continuity should center about the shameful way we let this guy go.

His name?

el duque, of course

Letter to the Editor: We fight back

New Haven Register
November 15, 2009

Dear Editor,

I want to remind the letter writer who said the Yankees bought themselves another championship that the team hadn't won a World Series since 2000. During the intervening years, people like the writer had said the Yankees can't even buy a championship. I wish they would make up their minds.

Also, the Red Sox went after C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and, especially, Mark Teixiera, but couldn't close the deal.

I wonder what would have been said if Boston got those players.

The money excuse is getting old and nobody really cares. The bottom line is that the Yankees played great baseball and deserved to win the Series.

Dominic Piscopo
New Britain

Letter to the Editor: Unlevel Playing Field

Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (New York)
November 15, 2009

Dear Editor,

"The best team money can buy" sure does fit this year's champs, the New York Yankees. When most teams could barely afford one player, and others none, the Yankees put down cash to buy all three top free agents. It's not their fault that they can afford to do this, however the reason they can is because baseball has no salary cap, thus the Yankees spend, spend and spend some more. The playing field needs to be level for all teams to have a chance. It's not good for the game when one team gets all the good players and others find it hard to stay remotely competitive and survive.

The Yankees are an important part of baseball, but they are no more important than any other team.

Robert M. Scantlin
Gates

In Reply to Alphonso

In case anyone's interested (which I doubt anyone is), I've been merely biding my time while the Yankees won it all, drinking a ridiculous amount of UC (case for 15 bucks in Webster!), and slowly morphing from "Michael Kei" to almost our other Michael buddy to the right (Alphonso, think of it as a little getaway trip to Italy).

BUT: we're on our way to our 28th World Championship brought to by Jeep®, and even though I contribute to IIH as much as Mons Meg (and even Suzyn this past year), I still check in almost every day (though it's not very verbal... kind of like a stalker driving by a house).

Just when I thought I was out, theyyyyy pull me back in!

Letter to the Editor: Yankee greed

The Stuart News/Port St. Lucie News (Stuart, Florida)
November 19, 2009

Dear Editor,

Acknowledging Mr. Tonello's letter of (Nov. 14), when he wrote that the Yankees would never agree to a salary cap. He hit the nail on the head! Level the playing field with leveling the salaries. Give other teams a chance.

Mr. Hammer's letter of (Nov. 15) personifies Yankee greed. No team in baseball history has been greedier. Add up the salaries of just their infielders and it comes close to $100 million per year.

It's no coincidence that the team with the most money has the most titles. This comes not from a Yankee fan vs. a Red Sox fan, but from a "baseball fan."

Larry Feehley
Port St. Lucie

Sportswriters, Hark!

This outstanding piece of sports journalism from The Quincy [Illinois] Herald is reprinted in Vol. V, pp 20-21 of Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, ed. T. L. Masson (New York: Doubleday, Page & Co., 1904):

The glass-armed toy soldiers of this town were fed to the pigs yesterday by the cadaverous Indian grave-robbers from Omaha.

The flabby, one-lunged Reubens who represent the Gem City in the reckless rush for the baseball pennant had their shins toasted by the basilisk-eyed cattle-drivers from the West. They stood around with gaping eyeballs like a hen on a hot nail, and suffered the grizzly yaps of Omaha to run the bases until their necks were long with thirst.

Hickey had more errors than Coin’s Financial School, and led the rheumatic procession to the morgue.

The Quincys were full of straw and scrap-iron. They couldn’t hit a brick-wagon with a pickax, and ran bases like pall-bearers at a funeral. If three-base hits were growing on the back of every man’s neck they couldn’t reach ‘em with a feather duster.

It looked as if the Amalgamated Union of South America Hoodoos was in session for work in the thirty-third degree.

The geezers stood about and whistled for help, and were so weak they couldn’t lift a glass of beer if it had been all foam. Everything was yellow, rocky and whangbasted, like a stigtossel full of doggle-gammon.


The game was whiskered and frost-bitten.

The Omahogs were bad enough, but the Quincy Brown Sox had their fins sewed up until they couldn’t hold a crazy quilt unless it was tied around their necks.

(You'll love it even more when The British Printer gets up on its high horse about the unashamed use of the American language.)

[Thanks to Mickey and Ramona.]

I See Where Michael Kei Re-Surfaced

Imagine the shock as I'm sipping some Jack, eating my fourth pickled egg and scanning the comments sections of this blog....most specifically, the flap over Mr. Seely's strange interview with a person ( ok a doctoress ) wearing a Red Sox garbage collector's hat, and I read a comment from Michael Kei.

Most of you may not remember that, for a while, Mr. Kei was a prolific contributor to Yankee lore on this very site.

Then, when the Yankees start doing well, he fades and disappears. We all want to know the story and we are putting reporter Seely on the case.

My theory: it is hard to blog from the can.

Michael?

Yankeetorial: The case for signing Pedro

1. He'll come cheaper than Lackey.

2. One-year deal. No long term mortgage.

3. We don't trade a mound of prospects, as with Halladay.

4. We saw in the series what he can do, even with an 85-mph fastball. (Check out that last number on the right; that's against us in game 2.)

5. Face it: He's always wanted to be a Yankee. He won't let himself be embarrassed.

6. Hating the guy is getting old. C'mon! He's one of the game's great characters!

7. Imagine this moment: His first Youk-beaning.

8. Hey, we're talking 5th starter here.

9. If he can't go five, Pedro Bridge to Mariano!

10. Piss off Redsocks fans.

11. Imagine the learning opportunities for young pitchers when he and Mariano talk shop.

12. If he flops... nails in the driveway!

What do I know? This is what I know.

Shelley Outrighted to Scranton

Is it all over?

Wait Until You Hear This One

I am just returned from a book tour of Japan where I received accolades and all the sake I could consume for autographs of my new

biography, " Going Rogue."

The Japanese gave great respect to the positions I took with respect to the Yankees all season, and to my continuing support and interest in re-signing Hideki Matsui.

I left Tokyo with a promise to the great baseball fans of Japan:

I would get, this season, an on-air win warble from Suzyn Waldman !

Not only that, I vowed it would break John's 2009 record for in-season warble length and launch the play-by -play career of Ms. Waldman.

Without her permission, but counting on her financial and psychological support, I have enlisted the genius, acumen and connections of SHE-FAN to assist me in this endeavor.

Our first direct contact with Suzyn should be at Spring Training in Tampa.

Predictions for the season will immediately follow Ms. Waldman's " warble" contract signing at our annual dinner at Roy Selmon's steak house.

Stay tuned.

This is gonna be great.

And Now A Word From Baseball's Iron Horse

More Camel ads (and the rest of this one, which you need to see) at Metafilter.

More of what I said last year

On fire, that's what I was. Eat your heart out, Joel Sherman.

"SAY IT AIN'T SO, SEELY!"

Over most of Thursday and far into Friday, supporters of clean baseball took to their keyboards and smartphones to register "shame" and "disgust" at  evidence that reporter Hart Seely -- a self-styled Yankee fan -- gave  aid and comfort to the Boston Red Sox. 

The 73-year-old Waverly, NY native remains secluded since a hate-filled propaganda piece he published supporting the Bombers' rivals on the eve of this year's World Series surfaced on this blog. In contrast to Seely's silence, outraged fans are thunderously vocal. At this writing, a whopping 73% of  poll respondents say they no longer consider Seely a Yankee fan, and 100% of commenters strongly condemn his actions. Here is a selection of their comments:

adam said...

For shame [...]

November 19, 2009 3:47 PM

Buhner's Ghost said...

This gibberish is disgusting, just another example of his sellout to the lucre of the Newhouse conglomerate. Talk about Evil Empire!

November 19, 2009 3:57 PM

Geofredo said...

The part of the story you didn't hear about is how the puppets were bought online off Pedroia's brother who used to lure children with them much in the same fashion... This story makes me sick.

November 19, 2009 6:54 PM

I'm Bill White said...

Post of the year.

November 19, 2009 7:52 PM

michael kei said...

Don't type Hart Seely into Google Images... scary stuff.

November 19, 2009 11:22 PM

Anonymous said...

i didn't read seely's article, just saw the picture. is it about assisted suicide?

November 20, 2009 12:34 AM

el duque said... 

Actually, I don't know him that well. We've sort of fallen apart, ever since he joined the Redsocks.

November 19, 2009 6:07 PM

What I said last year

Read it and weep, Nostradamus. All the way to the end.

Hippie wins NL Cy Young crown

Best 5 pitchers in the National League:

Tim Lincecum, Chris Carpenter, Adam Wainwright, Dan Haren and Javier Vasquez.

Are you kidding me?

The Yankees need to give Kei Igawa a chance over there.

Yankiverse declines amnesty for utility Redsock Nick Green

In a stunning defeat for love, cold and concrete-hearted Yankiverse voters have refused to rise to the occasion of their 27th World Championship and metaphorically take in the cute babe left in swaddling clothes on their doorstep, in the form of slappy-hitting ex-Redsock utility infielder Nick Green.

Led by a right-wing coalition of IT IS HIGH bloggers, a group whose stated desire is to say NO to all initiatives, so it can take power in 2010, the Green referendum failed by a more than 2-1 vote.

Officials of the LET HATE END HERE campaign are vowing to caucus and determine new options. "The time has come for love to win out," said an official, speaking on the grounds of anonymity. "And those who stand in the way of love need to feel a hard deep slash from love's swift sword. This aint over, hate. You hear? Piss off love, and you better be prepared to pay the price!"

As a start, the love campaign may begin printing photographs designed to melt the black hearts of the opposition. (See below.)

You asked for it, you got it: AC/DC AND JOHN STERLING HIT THE HIGHWAY TO HELL

Mr. Redsock, Jacoby Ellsbury, is changing his number from 46 to 2

Jacoby Ellsbury Day, 2025

Inducted into Boston's Cooler of Heroes 2079

Angels Coaching Staff to Return Next Year

As stated above.

POSTSEASON TREASON While Yanks Fought For Their Lives, NY Reporter & "Fan" Shilled For Red Sox

October 27, 2009. The early morning hours. As Yankee fans rose from beds and couches and floors throughout Central New York, their first thoughts and prayers flew Bronxward--for on the following night their storied team, the noblest in all of baseball, would launch its best-of-7 World Championship campaign. Eager for any scrap of Yankee news, these good and trusting people opened their community's colorful morning newspaper, or clicked over to its easy-to-navigate website. And there they found betrayal at the hands of reporter Hart Seely (pictured at left), who had for years marketed himself as a Yankee fan.

Click over to Seely's pro-Red Sox screed--a truly hateful piece of filth about helping a children's hospital with puppets--to experience the unbelievable for yourself.

Bud Selig, architect of Yankee post-season three-man rotation, agrees that six-weeks playoff schedule is too long

Bud Selig is on to something, and you know what that means.

Baseball's $14.5 million hairpiece is cutting the fat out of next year's playoff schedule!

Don't worry, though. Nobody's talking about starting games at a reasonable hour, so kids can watch. At least one round will appear on cable, featuring ads for liquor and male-enhancements. (Still holding the line on cigarettes! attaboy!) And the final games will be played under a chance of flurries.

But as of next October, the three-man playoff rotation is history.

That means... more than ever,

The Yankees need to SIGN JOHN LACKEY.

IF WE SIGN JOHN LACKEY, WE WILL WIN THE 2010 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? BLINK, IF YOU UNDERSTAND!

YES, IT WOULD BE NICE TO TRADE FOR ROY HALLADAY! BUT THEY'LL WANT AN ARM AND LEG. SIGN LACKEY. KEEP JOBA. KEEP HUGHES. KEEP JESUS. JESUS, KEEP JESUS! KEEP IAN. SIGN LACKEY!

Yankeetorial: It hurts to say this, oh, it hurts... But Hideki Matsui must find another team

It's no fun, closing the book on a great novel.

Its like watching Peter Pan, when you were a kid: You didn't want it to end. You wished you could stay in that fantasy world, flying with Tinker Bell and always outwitting Captain Hook. Everything was magical. And then... it ended... on a school night, no less.

We have no place next year for Hideki Matsui.

We've put it off, being in no hurry to state the painfully obvious:

Next year... no Matsui.

It's not his fault. Great player. Great Yankee. Great man. He just can't play the outfield anymore. And we just can't take a full-time DH anymore.

We need a DH-by-committee: Arod, Jorge, Damon (assuming he stays), Jeter, Swisher, Tex... they need half-days off.

We cannot float a full-time DH. And Matsui is a full-time DH.

OK, let's make a pact. With me, everybody? Two vows:

1. When Matusi comes back in another uniform, as soon as he steps onto the field... Huge O. Standing O. Five minutes. Game-stopper. If he homers, double it. Even if it's a walkoff. We'll be like the Olive Garden, and he is family.

2. When Matsui is done, kaput, waived by the Padres of the world, he gets one last Yankee shot. We did it for Tino. We did it for Jeff Nelson. One last crack. He retires a Yankee. Olive Garden. Family.

Listen, we can all close your eyes and clap really really hard -- and we can save Tinkerbell! But it's still a school night. We can't save the Syonara Kid.

Syonara.

Joe Girardi named 2009 IT IS HIGH AMERICAN LEAGUE YANKEE MANAGER OF THE YEAR

CONGRATULATIONS, JOE GIRARDI!

AMERICAN LEAGUE YANKEE MANAGER OF THE YEAR!

SAY IT IS SO, JOE!

What's the world coming to when you can't bribe a judge with Yankees tickets?

That's what every major leaguer is wondering tonight.

Because the prize of driving 100-mph with a hooker in the carwell and a line of coke on her bare neck is rising every day.

Says the Daily News:

A Bronx man who offered a judge Yankees tickets in exchange for clearing up violations against a building has been sentenced to three years in prison.

Celestino Orta, 40, was busted after the administrative law judge, Tracy Peeler, refused the bribe offer but reported him to the city Department of Investigation, which launched a sting operation.

Three tickets... no deal?

Wait a minute: Were the tickets for a Royals game?

Guide to Sarah Palin's characterizations of the Yankees

"Palling around with terrorists"

"Bridge to Nowhere"

"Death Panels"

"Rickie Hollywood"

"The Perky One"

In time for the holidays: Your IIH "I BRAKE FOR YOUKILIS BEANINGS" T-shirt!

Your Christmas gifts are here!

For that certain Redsock fan...

Now... from IT IS HIGH...

THE "I BRAKE FOR YOUKILIS BEANINGS" T-SHIRT.

Let them know you care.

But wait, there's more...

On the back, it's your favorite website!

Plus, change the shirt inside out...

And it becomes...

The all-weather SUPER-ABSORBENT SHAMMY CLOTH!

Clean your car! Wash your dog!

But wait...

Wrap it around your hands, and you've got the INSTANT CLOTH PULL-EM-UP GARDEN WEASEL!

Three -- 3-- three great products in one!

CC Sabathia wins IT IS HIGH 2009 Yankees CY YOUNG Award

IT IT HIGH is proud to announce...

Yankee pitcher C.C. Sabathia
is winner of the
IT IS HIGH
Yankees
American League
CY YOUNG AWARD
for 2009

Congratulations,

C.C. Sabathia!

Scientific Pie-Chart Analysis of Reasons to Resign Andy Pettitte

Source: University of Copenhagen School of Advance Yankeeology (Utica Campus)

Love is in air: Less than one-in-four Yankee fans refuses to forgive untility man Nick Green

We are taking steps -- baby steps, baby! -- to a far better world.

Because. You. Care.

If anyone suggested that a mere one-fourth of the Yankiverse membership would refuse amnesty to Nick Green for his Redsockian ways, we would have called them crazy.

And yet... look!

In fact, if we add the totals of YES, and BECAUSE LOVE IS THE ANSWER and WHY -- all of which are basically loving positives -- we have a 34 percent FAVORABLE amnesty rating for Nick!

Yankiverse, start writing your speeches.

You are in the running for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize!

2009 Top 20 "Bridge to Mariano" Rankings Released

TOP 20 YANKEE PITCHERS TO PROVIDE FAMOUS "BRIDGE TO MARIANO" IN 2009

1. MARIANO RIVERA

2. Phil Hughes

3. Alfredo Aceves

4. David Robertson

5. Phil Coke

6. Joba Chamberlain

7. Brian Bruney

8. Brett Tomko

9. Damaso Marte

10. Jonathan Albaladejo

11. Mark Melancon

12. Ian Kennedy

13. Chad Gaudin

14. Sergio Mitre

15. Edwar Ramirez

16. Jose Veras

17. Anthony Claggett

18. Josh Towers

19. Michael Dunn

20. Nick Swisher

Pie Chart Analysis of Yankee Wish List for 2010

Source: Basic mathematical and scientific computations.

As the signing period begins, let us recall the brilliant Theo Epstein strategy of 2009

According to our critics, it's time to buy the next World Championship.

But before Cash and the Barrelheads grab the checkbook, let's recall the formula for success engineered last Thanksgiving by the legendary futures trader and Cialis-crackhead John W. Henry, and his gorilla-suited sidekick, Theo Epstein.

The strategy: LET'S STEAL BARGAINS.

At the flea market, they found Brad Penny, John Smoltz, Rocco Baldelli, Takashi Saito.

And how did the critics react?

"... Brilliant!... bravo, Mr. Epstein!... the feel good team for 2009!... Executive of the year, sir, Oscar!"

Look, we will never tell Brian Cashman what to do. (Unless he's messing up, in which case, it is our blood obligation to save the team with sound advice.) But last winter, the moral opinionators of baseball condemned the Yankees for spending their money wisely, and they glorified the Redsocks for going to the casino and playing the slots.

There is a fascination -- no, intoxication -- with getting something for nothing. It's great to visit the garage sale and bring home Brian Bruney. They help a team. They do not win the pennant.

Be thankful Boston didn't take its Casino Money -- for Penny, Smoltz, et al -- and put it down on AJ Burnett. They just might be World Champions.

There is one guy out there, solid as a rock, who fits our team. John Lackey. SIGN JOHN LACKEY, AND WE WIN THE 2010 PENNANT.

They'll say we're buying the pennant. Let's not let them down.

Bud Williams, owner of the Tennessee Titans, goes where George Steinbrenner never went

Buffalo.

NASA sends shuttle into outer space to try and blow up nemesis star, as outlined by ancient Mayans and new movie

OK, I know what you're saying:
.

But el Duque, what does this have to do with the Yankees?
.
Now, think. THINK: If the nemesis star crashes into the ocean, causing 500-foot tall waves to hurdle across every continent... what sports season next year -- in which the reigning champions will be seeking their 28th rings -- will be in jeopardy?

What? You think this is hokum? Why would NASA name its Space Shuttle after the continent swamped by the previous asteroid? Hm? Hm? Hmmmmmmmmmmm?

A Stroll in the Park with Mr. & Mrs. Matsui

An MVP and a classy gent!

Open Letter to Brian Cashman: The way we get Halladay is by taking Vernon Wells, too, so let's start shedding outfielders

Dear Mr. Cashman,

First off, we'd never tell you what to do.

Hell, you won it, baby! Whatever you decide: Fine with us.

As long as it works.

In the meantime, you want Roy Halladay, right? And you don't want them to get him, right?

Think Vernon Wells. (Not that Vernon Wells, the actor pictured right, but the Blue Jay.)

Toronto will swim Shit Creek to unload Wells' salary, which beats the GNP of Zambia, on anybody dumb enough to take him.

Let's do it.

By adopting Wells, we leverage Halladay. We cough up prospects. That's your department. If Matsui signs elsewhere, Wells can DH, play right or left. He switch-hits. He's ripe for a comeback. Consider him this year's Swisher.

Every year needs a Swisher.

Oh, and one other thing...

SIGN JOHN LACKEY. IF YOU SIGN JOHN LACKEY, WE WILL WIN THE 2010 WORLD SERIES. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THERE IS NO REASON NOT TO SIGN JOHN LACKEY. DO IT AND WE WILL WIN.

Excerpts about the Yankees from Sarah Palin's book

"Sidney Ponson?" I said. "Are you nuts? He's a drunk, not a fifth starter! We gotta say something! This is the issue we've been waiting for!"
I went to each member of the team and pleaded my case. It was hopeless. Old Man McCain just shook his head.
.

The shoes fit perfectly and matched my glasses, but the price tag... five thousand big ones! Mama mia! It was a stretch. But then I thought, "Hey, if A-Rod doesn't feel good about himself when he goes out to play, isn't he cheating his fans?"
.
The doctor looked at the results sadly and something might be wrong. "We have to deal with the possibility..." and then he stopped, unable to say more. "What?" I yelled. "What are you saying about my baby?" He shook his head. "Sarah," he said, "would you still bear this child if I told you he might grow up to be a Kevin Youkilis?"
.

I turned the corner, and there she was: Tina Fey, ugly as a mole, picking her nose and sucking on a chicken bone, acting as if she owned the place. She thought she was big. "Hey, Gilda Radner," I said. "You wanna beanball war? We can have a beanball war. Up in Alaska, they call me Rocket. I'm always looking for a Piazza."
.

Of course I dreamed of working for ESPN. What sportsgirl doesn't? Hell, why do think I named my daughter Bristol!
.

"Bonzai!" he yelled, mimicking a pitch to the plate, then wheeling around to pretend to watch a ball disappear over the left field wall. With his hilarious Kei Igawa imitation, Cheney had us all rolling on the floor.