Call off your dogs, Selig. It's over. You won.

Call off your dogs, Selig. It's over. You won.

Monday, January 13, 2014

OK, I give up, call off the dogs, world: There is no reason to defend A-Rod or to think magically about the pathetic organization known as the New York Yankees

Well, it finally happened: the convergence of Higgs bosons and gamma rays that creates our reality, has finally achieved human perfection - that nexus of mismanagement, nepotism, corruption, deceit and hubris that is the New York Yankees.

Last night, CBS’s 60 Minutes also solidified its position as the official Voice of the Police State. In the same way that it recently soft-balled the head of the NSA to assure us that government surveillance is for our own good, last night it trotted out Anthony Bosch and Bud Selig to do postgame interviews on the A-Rod story. A victory lap. Baseball defeated drugs. The game is safe now, everybody.

Well, I hope the Woodward/Bernsteins of ESPN/Disney start asking the Steinbrenners and Levines what they knew and when they knew it. If Chris Christie goes down because his aides were cutting throats, shouldn’t the Yankees front office be required to explain how hard they investigated those joking email concerns that A-Rod was juicing? Or are owners off-limits? Do owners have to be held accountable, in the way their employees are?

Oh, hell. Well, why am bothering to ask? It’s over, folks. There is no sense defending A-Rod anymore. It’s like trying to claim the Redsocks didn’t win the World Series, or that the Yankees are still a better franchise – because long, long ago in a universe far far away, they won a bunch of world championships. The last ring we won, 2009, looks tarnished and rusted – not only by the money we spent on free agents to win it, but by the drugs A-Rod ingested to get there. He’s OJ Simpson. He’s Lance Armstrong. They’re going to delete him from the record books. And here’s the cool part: The Redsocks will skate. Oh, Manny Ramirez will take a hit; they soured on him. But the others, all those great “Cowboy ups” and “Idiots,” including David Ortiz… nobody will raise a peep. It’s good business to have heroes.  The Yankees will go down, folks. And if we’re going to root for them, we go down too.  So why should we?

Once again, we enter a season without one young player - not one rising star - to give hope. It’s like being a Democrat in Alabama, knowing they can run a hyena against you, and they’ll win.  It’s like being a Knicks fan, and knowing you’ll finish last and not have a draft pick. (In fact, the Yankees will have no draft picks next June; they practically don’t need to attend the draft.)  We once were the Evil Empire. Now, we have no empire. We’re just evil.  Right now, Hal Steinbrenner’s claim to the Yankees is based on the belief that he is the smarter brother. But that’s a low bar. He’s up against self-made billionaires who own other teams. Do we really think this franchise will ever be the smartest?

Yesterday, the Yankees announced the signing of Scott Sizemore, a scrap heap acquisition for third base. This signifies the 2014 plan: Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled free agents. We will take in your Vernon Wellses and Travis Hafners, and we shall give them clothing to wear.  I keep thinking it can’t get worse. Then I look at the infield and wonder what it will look like in July. I keep thinking we’ll turn the corner. Then I imagine the fifth year of Brian McCann’s contract, and the seventh year of Jacoby Ellsbury.

Listen: We cannot justify rooting for the Yankees. Don’t try to explain it. It’s like cigarettes. If we could quit, we would.  But like cigarettes, they’re going to kill us.

8 comments:

John M said...

My insane, naive and profoundly stupid hope is that A-Rod does get his case into Federal court and does take it to the Supreme Court, like Curt Flood. Maybe the 'special treatment' of MLB will take a hit, maybe due process will actually become a necessity when Selig-like creatures go after players, maybe Marvin Miller will rise from the grave and make the Players Union more than the wimpy caving machine it's become, maybe the owners will get their head handed to them or at least their hands slapped.

A guy can dream.

KD said...

Obama and the FBI are so impressed with MLB investigative prowess that they'll roll them into the Agency and give Bud his own drone. Hence forth it will be a Federal crime to impede an MLB investigation. Then Bud can send guys like A-Rod to jail. Callooh callay!!

KD said...

I think I'm the saddest I've ever been as a Yankee fan, not counting deaths in our "family". I feel bad for A-Rod. All he ever wanted to do was excel. We'll have another circus at 3B this season. More sadness. Finally, I'm sad over the shame brought to my team. we're not feared and respected anymore. we're a loathsome laughing stock of a team.

Wish I could be happy as some other Yankee fans currently are. Maybe one of them can brighten me up.

KD said...

I'm looking to you, Mustang.

John M said...

Sorry, KD. I think even Mustang is crawling into a large bottle these days and unavailable for cheering.

What a shit offseason.

And the Giants sucked too.

Man.

Mustang said...

Sorry, KD. When you wrote "we're a loathsome laughing stock of a team," all I could do was nod in agreement.

But we have a new radio station!

joe de pastry said...

Curt Flood got to the Supreme Court and lost. Why does nobody remember that the guys who got the reserve clause killed were Messerschmidt and McNally?

Sayonara Kid said...

The New York city Man said it best: "Give me your hungry, your tired, your poor. I'll piss on 'em . . . Your poor huddled masses, let's club 'em to death and get it over with and just dump 'em on the boulevard."